The "Best Man" Ever

When I was getting ready to ask my wife to marry me, one of the biggest and hardest decisions was whether or not to talk to Jeff first. Not talk to him as to whether or not i should do it, we had already discussed that many times, but to actually let him in on the little secret before I popped the question... Basically, should I tell Jeff I was actually going to do it. The decision was made. The ring was purchased. The trap was set. No one knew, yet, and I wanted it to stay that way. I still needed to talk to Cortleigh's dad, but that when was taken care of. So onto Jeff.

I debated it over and over in my head. Their was never any doubt he was my best man, a foregone conclusion. He knew it, I knew it, and It never even crossed my mind that I would ever want anyone else. In the end, I decided to not tell Jeff he was about to get a sister...To this day, it is one of the few things that weigh heavily on me.

After the fact, that night actually, as Cortleigh was calling her closest friend Lisa, who would be her Maid of Honor, I called Jeff. I was so excited...

Jeff answered in typical fashion, "yello".
"Jeff" I said, "Guess what? Cortleigh and I are getting married! I just asked her tonight."
"What?" he replied, "that's awesome" but in a tempered tone.
"What's wrong?"
"Well, I'm just a little surprised." He said.
I think i stumbled out a "huh?"
"Well, I always knew you guys were going to get married, and I love her, and I'm so happy she's going to be my sister...it's just that I always thought you were going to let me know right before you did it, that's all."

Ohhh, ouch, that was it, the dagger I was hoping wasn't there, but somehow I knew it was. Jeff didn't mean anything, he wasn't trying to hurt me. It was my own fault and I knew it instantly. I had messed up. I should have told him. How much that phrase hurt, something I instantly knew would be hard to get out of my mind for years to come. Little did I know how hard it would end up being.

The last thing I had ever wanted was to offend my brother, or hurt his feelings, which i knew I had just done. But in ever inspiring Jeffe fashion, he brushed it off within seconds and began talking engagement and wedding stuff. How'd I do it? Where were we? things like that.

I didn't want to chat long,because, after all we did just get engaged. But I still had one thing I wanted to ask Jeff, make it official.

"Jeff, will you be my Best Man?"
"Of course I will," he shouted. "I would be honored"
"That means a lot to me bro, there is no one I would rather stand up there next to than you" I said.

We talked for a few more minutes about it, basically that we would talk again in the morning, but I could already hear the ideas rolling... a bachelor party, a tool party, the night before the wedding. The only thing we set in stone right then was were going to sit back and have some jagermeister the night before I got married...

...15 days later, he was dead...

We had talked quite a bit over the next 2 weeks, but nevertheless, things had changed. My life, and the lives of so many others, forever altered, not to mention the Best Man I ever met was now gone. how to pick up the pieces...

Everything about me changed the day Jeff died, some instantly, some I'm still finding today. One thing that didn't change was my Best Man. How to replace that. How do I find someone to step into his shoes, take his place next to me at the alter. I just couldn't fathom anyone. I didn't want to think about it.

Eventually, the subject would have to come up. I knew it, so did everyone else. We had a long engagement, about 16 months. People started asking me who was going to be my best man. things needed to happen i guess. For a while, I considered it. But it was too hard. My Dad was the most logical, to me, but I thought he should be with my mother, I knew she would need it. Chet and Joey were the next two I thought of, but no, I just couldn't see anyone else there.

In the end, I decided that I already had my Best Man and that was it. I couldn't see anyone performing his duties either so they went unattended to. Mostly, I skipped the bachelor party, against what I knew Jeff would want, mostly because I couldn't handle it. The night before the wedding, I had my Jager alone with him. We left a space next to me at the alter for him, as the rest of my groomsmen stood back an extra step. I really am thankful for Joey and Chet for giving such great speeches for me.

In the end though, I was left with a bitter pill. One of the last things I did to my brother was hurt his feelings with something and someone so dear to his heart. it's a hard pill to swallow, but it is life. Thankfully it wasn't the last time i spoke with him.

Thankfully, I was able to hear the joy in his voice and to know how much he loved Cortleigh already. If even for only 15 days, I was able to give Jeff a sister, to know how happy he was and happy he was for us, I can live with the grief.

Mostly, thankfully I had a brother that was such a great man. The Best Man!